122


in all the wrong ways
we find what’s right,
what works
and what doesn’t,
learning who we are
through losing ourselves

in too many moments
of quiet contemplation,
wondering how we strayed
so very far
from who we thought we were.

it’s the little things,
the uncomfortable things,
the panics,
the sadness,
the ups-and-downs
of losing sight of the path

that brings us closer,
in little and
some not-so-little ways,
to that person
we so often forget to love.

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stream of consciousness, pt.i


my heart still flows for you,
overflows its banks,
higher than the high-water marks
of loves come and past
onto shores i never knew
existed

it beats to the steady
and rising tempo
of love still real,
of hope and regret
and the desperate need for more

on and on it goes,
higher and higher it rises,
beyond the stars in our sky

on and on it goes,
now
and forever,
it goes

120


sometimes we wait,
because we fear
the pain of leaving the past behind,
letting go of sorrows long-suffered
in silence, choosing instead
to pass the time
with tit-for-tat pettiness and denial
we’ve masked with hollow smiles
and prideful stubborness

we can turn away,
run as fast as we can
back to the safety
of the devils we know,
settle into the comfort and certainty
only broken trust can bring

we can fight
until our bodies fail us,
challenge the repressed whispers
of hearts wanting more
than a return to the status quo,
of souls trembling
at the sight of a sequel
we know is in the works

sometimes we wait
and miss what’s standing
right in front of us,
dismiss honesty and something better
as usurpers of thrones
belonging to fantasies
we no longer believe in

sometimes we wait
when all we should do
is move forward

119


we move slowly now,
in cautious wonder,
breath held tight, close
to hearts, anxious,
expectant

scared to see
what lies beyond
the shadow,
through the thinning veil
that blinds souls
desperate for one another

118


there is so much joy
in that smile, so much hope
in those expectant,
unknowing eyes — his eyes
lost in the moment, too busy
swimming in hers
to see, to recognize
what’s right in front of him.

he is exposed — consumed
by fire, by the certainty
of her hand
reaching firmly for his,
by the rhythm of her pulse
beating in time
with his own.

but he can never know
the heart he seeks, yearns
for, wants to hold
close… the distance,
he cannot overcome.

he can never touch
her love
the way his love
desires,

and he can never hear
the words
her lips
cannot utter.

but his heart, so ready
to love
and to be loved,
smiles,
mistaking her loneliness
for fire.

117


there is a space
just beyond the horizon,
a brightness
lingering on the thin line
that separates today
from tomorrow

beyond the here and now,
cascades of color
pierce the velvet veil of heaven
and while we sleep,
those ancient eyes
treat us to their mysteries,
let flow
truths only darkness can reveal

our space,
once so far away —
still warm, golden
— brings forth the day